Saturday, December 3, 2016

Thoughts I Commonly Have Whilst Perusing Dating Apps

Thoughts I Commonly Have Whilst Perusing Dating Apps:

1. I wonder how negotiable that lip ring/intense beard/terrible haircut is.
2. Oh god I went to high school with this person and they apparently don't remember me.
3. I wonder what this guy does with all the extra time he saves by typing "u" and "r" instead of the whole words.
4. Oh yes, please climb into my pants now that you've been totally disrespectful and inappropriate, said no woman ever.
5. How depressing is it that most people seem to care more about geographic proximity of dating partners than whether or not they are a psychopath or have the personality of a dead fish?
6. Only group pictures means I assume the worst.
7. You're old enough to be my father, no thanks.
8. You're younger than my 20 year old sister, no thanks. (Why would you even think I would be interested?)
9. Occupation listed as "entrepreneur"...yeah you're probably unemployed.
10. Dear lord I'm going to die alone surrounded by 10 dogs.

No comments:

Post a Comment